I know I’ll love you
I’ve never believed in love at first sight. And I still don’t. But sometimes you just happen to know that person who accepts you fully. That moment when something clicks in your mind and the whole world turns upside down, because you begin to see things through his eyes.
The story should probably start from this moment then.
All the hugs, smiles and jokes that came after this were consequence of how fast the feeling grew up in me. Our relationship turned out to be a huge thing to him too, I felt it. I could sense he was confused.
“We love each other like family, like brothers and sisters.”
He mentioned it all the time and, as heartbreaking as this could have been to a girl less stuck, I didn’t need much to be happy. I didn’t expect anything at all, so this kind of statement honestly made my day.
For my whole lifetime, I’ll love you
And I never wanted it to stop. But of course it had to, because he would soon be leaving. The thought that I truly hated him a year ago was unbearable. If only I had fallen for him before, I would have spent a lot more time beside him. But then again, if I never did, I wouldn’t be hurt at all. My situation was the worst possible.
“It’s bittersweet.”
His hands waving goodbye through the window of the plane was the last straw for me. That night I broke down; it was too much. I hated his friends, I hated his girlfriend, but I hated myself more. How could I be so selfish? He looked extremely excited to finally go on vacations…
The excruciating pain of letting someone you love go, so they can be happy without you, is something you can only face once in a lifetime. No one will ever be strong enough to run after this person, to risk dealing with that much hurt all over again. Well, or maybe I’m a pussy.
All I know is, if I can help it, I will never see him again. I can live with this, with knowing that he is somewhere in this planet helping others. That some lucky bitch is actually putting a smile on his face each day. That despite not being the one, he did love me for some time.
I’m truly grateful I’ve got the chance to meet him in such a personal level. But it’s over now. He said the word forever and I agreed on it, incapable of making him cry in front of me, even though I was aware that in a few months he would have forgotten about me completely.
Each time we say goodbye then I’ll love you, desperately
Or so I thought.
One day, after five months of ignoring his calls and messages, He showed up at my door. It warmed my heart to know the first person he went to when finally arriving back was me. And it makes me fucking want to kill myself that I didn’t open that door. The guy I was sleeping with did it, in a towel.
I didn’t know it was him or I would have jumped out of bed immediately, that’s for sure. But now, giving it a second thought, I realize it would have only hurt me more. Still, I didn’t want him to think the guy was more important to me. He needed to know he was always going to be my number one. I don’t care how freaking pathetic this makes me.
“Your friend was here!” Mr. X said...
“WHAT?”
“He wanted to see you!” If he did notice my face crumpling, my hands sweating or my heartbeat increasing, I will never know. I was too shocked to care. “He said: Tell L to call me when she’s done.”
That was so him! The words only made me eager for more. Did he wink? Did he smirk? How was his intonation? Was he mad? Jealous maybe?
But I plainly gulped to calm down and whispered a flat “Okay.”
I didn’t call him that day. Instead, I wrote it down; all my feelings. I could easily make an entire book about his departure, but I choose to write about the things I love in him. Someday riding home he would read to it and realize there was a girl that loved him with all her heart.
Ok, antes que se me emocionen peor que colegialas detrás de grupo de música del momento, he de aclarar que esto es simplemente una historia... ficción como lo llaman..... sorry que este en ingles.....
