life how it is

                       I know I’ll love you

I’ve never believed in love at first sight. And I still don’t. But sometimes you just happen to know that person who accepts you fully. That moment when something clicks in your mind and the whole world turns upside down, because you begin to see things through his eyes.

 The story should probably start from this moment then.

All the hugs, smiles and jokes that came after this were consequence of how fast the feeling grew up in me. Our relationship turned out to be a huge thing to him too, I felt it. I could sense he was confused.

“We love each other like family, like brothers and sisters.”

He mentioned it all the time and, as heartbreaking as this could have been to a girl less stuck, I didn’t need much to be happy. I didn’t expect anything at all, so this kind of statement honestly made my day.

For my whole lifetime, I’ll love you

And I never wanted it to stop. But of course it had to, because he would soon be leaving. The thought that I truly hated him a year ago was unbearable. If only I had fallen for him before, I would have spent a lot more time beside him. But then again, if I never did, I wouldn’t be hurt at all. My situation was the worst possible.

 “It’s bittersweet.”

His hands waving goodbye through the window of the plane was the last straw for me. That night I broke down; it was too much. I hated his friends, I hated his girlfriend, but I hated myself more. How could I be so selfish? He looked extremely excited to finally go on vacations…

The excruciating pain of letting someone you love go, so they can be happy without you, is something you can only face once in a lifetime. No one will ever be strong enough to run after this person, to risk dealing with that much hurt all over again. Well, or maybe I’m a pussy.

All I know is, if I can help it, I will never see him again. I can live with this, with knowing that he is somewhere in this planet helping others. That some lucky bitch is actually putting a smile on his face each day. That despite not being the one, he did love me for some time.

I’m truly grateful I’ve got the chance to meet him in such a personal level. But it’s over now. He said the word forever and I agreed on it, incapable of making him cry in front of me, even though I was aware that in a few months he would have forgotten about me completely. 

Each time we say goodbye then I’ll love you, desperately 

Or so I thought.

One day, after five months of ignoring his calls and messages, He showed up at my door. It warmed my heart to know the first person he went to when finally arriving back  was me. And it makes me fucking want to kill myself that I didn’t open that door. The guy I was sleeping with did it, in a towel. 

I didn’t know it was him or I would have jumped out of bed immediately, that’s for sure. But now, giving it a second thought, I realize it would have only hurt me more. Still, I didn’t want him to think the guy was more important to me. He needed to know he was always going to be my number one. I don’t care how freaking pathetic this makes me.

“Your friend was here!” Mr. X said...

“WHAT?”

“He wanted to see you!” If he did notice my face crumpling, my hands sweating or my heartbeat increasing, I will never know. I was too shocked to care. “He said: Tell L to call me when she’s done.”

That was so him! The words only made me eager for more. Did he wink? Did he smirk? How was his intonation? Was he mad? Jealous maybe?

But I plainly gulped to calm down and whispered a flat “Okay.”

I didn’t call him that day. Instead, I wrote it down; all my feelings. I could easily make an entire book  about his departure, but I choose to write  about the things I love in him. Someday riding home he would read to it and realize there was a girl that loved him with all her heart.

Ok, antes que se me emocionen peor que colegialas detrás de grupo de música del momento, he de aclarar que esto es simplemente una historia... ficción como lo llaman..... sorry que este en ingles..... 

mi cabeza?? donde michi esta!!!

como reza el titulo no se donde diablos esta mi cabeza... ya ya diran pegada a tu cuello daaa!.. jajaja pero estos dias esta cho loca (mas de lo usual), me explico.. estaba trabajando en un nuevo post para el deleite de este blog... resultado?? perdi mi puto USB!!! asi que no pude postearlo y me tocara escribir todo desde cero! buaaaaaa quiero a mi mami!!! Asi que si tienen paciencia y me esperan un poquito mas capaz capataz lo posteare dentro de poco. Dicho lo escrito, un besote!! y nos vemos!

Blushing

Un día tomando café con un amigo....hablando de diversas cosas sale y me pregunta...

- Crees tu que las mujeres ya no se ruborizan?

Si, me quede como condorito, al borde de atorarme con mi pucho y quemarme la garganta con el café   (después preguntan porque no los entendemos??).. #SalenConCadaBabosada!!

- Hmmm?? Qué?? A que viene esa pregunta??

- Me explico, ponte a pensar, estamos en el 2012/13, en estos tiempos las mujeres son mas abiertas a hablar/actuar/decidir de la forma en que se les da la gana, ya no estamos en esos tiempos en que "es cosa solo para hombres"... Por ende, las cosas o frases o palabras, llámalo como quieras, ya no se sonrojan tanto como antes, es como que ese tabú se extinguió,  por ejemplo recuerda que en los tiempos de nuestras abuelas el solo hecho de salir a la calle en esos "shortsitos" que ahora usan en verano era causa de infartos, peleas, jaladas de pelo y carajeadas a pulmón limpio... o ya ya.. te pongo otro ejemplo.. el mero hecho de que una mujer se vaya de fiesta con las amigas y termine en la cama de cualquier hotel barato o departamento de fulano o sultano, era razón meritoria a una excolmulgacion, misa de sanación para el alma de la pobre condenada (bautizo, comunión y confirmación incluida)... etc etc.. me entiendes??

Obvio que entendí su punto, me quede pensando un rato sobre lo que me acababa de decir... y si por lado le encontré un cierto sentido, por el otro no.

- Ok en ese sentido, "Moral", te entiendo, pero aun hay muchas mujeres que se sonrojan, tal vez ya no tanto sobre los hechos o actos sexuales que como dices tu antes eran un tabú  pero hay otras cosas que nos hacen sonrojar. A veces la vergüenza ajena nos hacen ruborizarnos, obvio sientes una ganas de tierra tragame pero igual nos sonrojamos.

- Mmmm no lo se, ya no veo muchas mujeres sonrojándose, por no decir que parecen haberse extinguido y déjame decirte que al menos para mi, el acto de sonrojarse lo encuentro demasiado lindo en una mujer.

- Esas mujeres aun existen créeme  tal vez lo que pasa es que ya no nos sonrojamos con lo sexual, pero te prometo que hay otros momentos en que si nos sonrojamos.

- Naaaah.. y es una lastima... #MasTercoQueUnaMulaEsteBurro!!

Días después....

09.30am en el trabajo... Ocupada en mi trabajo, pensando justamente en esa conversación con mi amigo, cantando de lo mas despreocupada, bailando al ritmo de la canción de turno en mi cabeza #MultifuncionalInclusoEnMiCabeza #I'mNuts!!
De la nada aparece mi nuevo compañero de trabajo, ( un niño de 20 años, flaquito, con una bonita sonrisa ),
se planta delante mio, mejor dicho se planta delante del otro lado de la mesa donde estaba yo trabajando y en un buen y claro español me pregunta...

- Como te llamas???

Primera reacción?? .. WTF?? después de haberme recuperado del pequeño shock, respondi.

- Mi nombre es L.....

Y antes que pudiera preguntarme algo mas... escuchamos tres vocecitas exhalando un .. "uuuuhhh huuuuu".
Sentí que regrese al colegio y que tenia 15 otra vez... sentía mis mejillas ardiendo y me encontré sonriendo como tonta para mi sola...

12.00m
"Sabes que? Yo tenia razon"... (Message sent).
12.01m
"De que hablas??" ... (Message received)
12.02m
"Aun existen mujeres que se ruborizan, así que no pierdas la fe ;)" ... (Message sent)